Participants,

For the 51^st consecutive time, neither team is playing the Super Bowl on their home field.  And, for the moment, the Falcons do not have a home field, as they are eagerly awaiting the finishing touches on their new stadium that opens next season while officially shutting down the Georgia Dome for NFL games.

For the HSBT Participants, your game score is due before the 6:30pm kickoff.  Pete the Terp is ahead by 201 points over Comeback Kid, who is known for that famous 226-point comeback in 1993.  Almost everyone has a legitimate shot at winning the trophy.  Pete the Terp has held the lead twice before with only 1 game to go and failed on each occasion to capture the trophy.  Look for some very interesting picks…

While most pundits have been filling the winter air with obscure and irrelevant oral diarrhea, the primary moving air at NFL headquarters is from the fans that keep our computers cool and humming.  The analyst’s predictions are completed.

Without further adieu (drum roll, please), here is scoop on how tomorrow’s game will play out:

PRE-GAME
The Patriots are historically filled with enough Dirty Deeds (“mishaps” as they call them – Snowgate, Spygate, Coingate and Deflategate) to make our last Presidential election seem blase.  Something has gotta happen to add to the drama of the game even before it starts.  Welcome to “Fangate.”  In some mysterious way, Falcon fans purchased 25,000 bogus tickets and are not allowed in the stadium.  Those tickets, once tossed in trash cans surrounding the stadium, are snapped up by Patriots fans and – lo and behold – are honored at check-in.  For those fortunate Falcon fans that make it thru the turnstiles, Security is forced to turn them away because somehow their Falcon jerseys have invisible metal in them.  All Patriot fans breeze right thru check-in and Security.  Deep within the New England locker room, da’ Coach has a hint of a smile as he knows his faithful fans (who had to travelled 1,828 miles) will outnumber the Falcon fans (who had to travel less than 800 miles) by a margin of 3:1.  Home cooking from Foxboro (or is it Foxborough?).  I’ll take that lobster roll, please.

From the “Did You Know?” archives:

• This marks SB appearance #9 for the Patriots, the most ever
• Tomorrow’s game marks the 1^st time this season the Patriots have faced a QB rated in the top 10 for passing
• It’s the #1 offense vs. the #1 defense, for the 7^th time – with the D prevailing in 5 of the previous 6
• Falcon QB Matt Ryan has a passer rating over 120 in his last 6 games (NFL record) and is 5-1 vs. SB-winning QB’s this season

Here is how it will play out:

1^ST QUARTER
So, despite being robbed of significant fan support in the stadium, the Dirty Birds (and they will do this dance each time they score a TD in SB51) welcome the friendly environment of a domed (or will it be doomed?) game in a warm weather climate.  They come out hotter than Ammazza’s Inferno, where a 900-degree oven is used to singe, I mean bake, the best pizza pies in Atlanta!  WR Julio Jones changes his jersey number from 11 to S (for Superman), after hauling in 2 (yep, 2) TD’s.  The lobster rolls are causing heartburn, with the Dirty Deeds on the short end of the stick, 21-7.  Falcon KR Devin Hester runs another one back all the way, this time without a penalty.

2^nd QUARTER
The combatants trade TD’s and a FG each for a halftime score of 31-17, in favor of the Falcons.  The Patriots #1 rated D is reduced to lobster bisque.  The Dirty Birds #1 offense is living up to it’s ranking.

HALFTIME (extended to 1 hour and 45 minutes)
Lady Gag does something at halftime, but who’s watching and who cares?  The Pres makes a surprise on-stage appearance (dropping thru the roof in a golden parachute that matches his hair color) with a pledge to “Make The Super Bowl Halftime Show Great Again!”  He drops 2 more Executive Orders before handing the mike back to The Gag.

You should instead be busy filling up your plate (is this the 4^th or 5^th time?  Who’s counting??) with that awesome array of SB health food:

• For starters, let’s get that Seafood Bisque from Pike Place Chowder
• Wings (ordered in from the Anchor Bar or The Bar Bill), BBQ (beef or pork, but fried with the skin on), customary large bag of potato chips
• An endless array of dips (most notably Velveeta with Rotel tomatoes) to be consumed with anything but fresh veggies or fruit
• Maybe a Beef on Weck (extra horseradish, please) or 2 (OK, let’s have 3)
• Some mussels with Lancaster Creamy Mustard Sauce from Bertha’s (let’s see if our current leader is reading this…)
• A “couple” bags of Sliders from White Castle (cheese is optional, but why not?)
• Pizza (carryout from Juliana’s in DUMBO), a Stromboli or even a few Skyline Chili “3-Way’s” (spaghetti smothered in chili, then suffocated with a veritable mountain of cheddar cheese – tipping the scales at around 2,450 calories)
• and several calorie-laden chocolate desserts (most notably from Shyndygz in Richmond)
• All meant to be washed down with another 3-4 beers of your choice (don’t waste your 12-ounce curl muscles on water or diet soda…). Back to your favorite chair…

As a side note, fully expect to see Texans DE JJ Watt, officially “fit” from back surgery, doing 40-yard gassers along the sideline for the entirety of the halftime show.

3^rd QUARTER
The Brady Bunch comes out fast with a couple quick scores, one the benefit of a pick 6, to tie it up.  Falcon FG Bryant (he of the 7 kids) boots a 60-yarder to close out the quarter with the Falcons up 34-31.  This is finally looking like a good game!  The all-time point record for a SB game (75, with the 49ers defeating the Los Angeles San Diego Chargers) is in serious jeopardy.

4^th QUARTER
The noose is tightening…  Both teams cannot seem to get moving but with less than 2 minutes left, Julio rakes in his 3rd TD of the game, on a 65-yard gem.  Dion Lewis goes all the way on the ensuing kickoff and the New England on-side kick is recovered by the Patriots!  Hello OT, as Pats K Gostkowski drills in the tying FG from 47 yards (not wide right) as the clock strikes 00:00.  Time for one more refill…

OT
Turnovers are a coach’s nightmare.  No sweet dreams tonight for Bill Belichick.  SB51 MVP Julio Jones does the unthinkable by hauling in his 4^th TD of the game on the first Falcon play from scrimmage in OT, set up by a fumble on the kickoff.  45 yards to complete a night with 15 catches for 334 yards and 4 TDs.

Dirty Birds 47, Dirty Deeds 41.  And with that final score, the winner of HSBT 29 is (I will inform you Sunday night after the game)…

Until then, I remain

~~ THE Commish