Participants,

Here is the much-anticipated analysis and predictions for each of the 6 playoff games this coming weekend.  With the recent confirmation of AI (Actual Intelligence!!) in our data analysis techniques and toolset, our clarity here at the Offices of The Commissioner of the NFL continues to improve to provide you with more than all you need to make the right picks for this weekend!  Forget all that other noise!

And, remember to get your picks for all 6 games submitted via our website before the 4:30pm EST kickoff on Saturday!

Let’s get started!  We decided to schedule all 3 AFC games, followed by all 3 NFC games.  And, fans have told us that they strongly prefer the Monday Night game, instead of having 3 games on Saturday and 3 games on Sunday.

#5 Cleveland Browns (11-6) @ #4 Houston Oilers Texans (10-7)
Browns favored by 2.5

A weekend with 22+ hours of NFL playoff football begins now!  The Browns are back in the playoffs for 1^st time in recent (and distant) memory.

Let’s talk about the QB’s in the weekend kickoff game.  And don’t give me any Flac(co) over the 38-year-old Browns QB.  Just a few weeks ago he was shuttling his kids back and forth to school and now might be the hottest QB in the league.  He goes up against the Texans rookie QB CJ who is just hitting his Stroud.

The Browns were victorious a couple weeks ago (without Stroud).  Can they repeat?  The Browns D is too tough for the young Texans.

Cleveland 31, Texans 13
(Flacco tosses 3 long TD’s in the first half)

#6 Miami Dolphins (11-6) @ #3 Kansas City Chiefs (11-6)
Chiefs favored by 4

Had the Dolphins defeated the Bills last Monday Night, they would be playing a home game (with kickoff temps hovering around 70 degrees).  Instead, they get to visit arguably the loudest stadium in the league with game-time temps expected to be in the single digits – and a wind chill of around -20.

The Chiefs prevailed in Week 9 in Frankfurt (a fish fry at a hot dog cookout?).  Even without Taylor in attendance.  Speaking of her, she has been placed on the Active roster for this game and will wear number $5B (her net worth) with the name Yoko Ono on the back of her jersey.

Too many TV commercials and distractions for KC this season.  Or will we have another Fish fry (this time in KC)?  Don’t look in your frozen foods section for this Saturday night tilt.  First big upset of the weekend!

Fins 27, Chiefs 26
(Another critical KC WR drop, this time of the game winning TD pass)

#7 Pittsburgh Steelers (9-8) @ #2 Buffalo Bills (11-6)
Bills favored by 10

Another heart thumper for the Bills or will they finally get going on all cylinders?  And Watt is going on with TJ?  Not playing?  Brother JJ could be activated to fill-in for his little brother.  A huge loss for the Pittsburgh D.

The Steelers are the only team to beat Ravens twice this season and had to win their last 3 games to make the playoffs.  The Bills have won 5 straight under their new interim OC.  It will be a battle of the beers – Iron City vs. Labatt’s Blue Light.  A battle of the fan clubs – Bills Mafia vs The Terrible Towel (which they will need to mop up those tears on Sunday afternoon).

A Bills win and another home playoff game next weekend!

Bills 34, Steelers 16
(Finally a little breathing room)

#7 Green Bay Packers (9-8) @ #2 Dallas Cowboys (12-5)
Cowboys favored by 7.5

You gotta Love how QB Jordan played the last few games of the season for the Pack.  They won their last 3 plus beat the Chiefs and Lions earlier in the season.  However, the Cowboys are undefeated at home this year.  During the pre-game warm-up’s, they listen to their favorite tunes on a Ceedee.

However, “America’s Team” will not even be “Texas’ Team” after this weekend.  A repeat of the Packer victory on Thanksgiving Day in Big D(eflated)!!

Upset #2

Packers 29, Jerry’s Team 27

#6 LA Rams (10-7) @ #3 Detroit Lions (12-5)
Lions favored by 3.5

No, this is not a typo.  The Lions are in the playoffs!  First time since 2017.  Rams QB Stafford is back in Motown to face his original team and Lions QB Goff faces his original team.

The Rams are healthy again and won their last 4 to edge into the playoffs.  This is a very dangerous team.  Plus they have all-world Aaron Donald at DT (he even busts up triple coverage).  The Lions are looking to roar into the Divisional round next weekend with their staunch D.  But they will be reduced to a mere purr in Upset #3.

Rams 33, Kitty Cats 28
(Who is that Rams WR that scored 3 TD’s?)

#5 Philadelphia Eagles (11-6) @ #4 Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-8)
Eagles favored by 2.5

It Hurts to watch how Philly went from 10-1 to 11-6.  From best to bust with Super (Bowl) huge expectations.  This team is on a downhill slide with no end in sight.  Philly Cheesesteak sales plummet, as well.

Meanwhile, TB has a new winning recipe with the Baker (or is that actually Tom Brady in disguise?).  They’ve had some ugly wins and some ugly losses along the way.  But Philly has been uglier.

The last upset of the weekend…

Buccaneers 23, Eagles 20

Be sure to get all those weekend chores done in time for Saturday afternoon kickoff.  Load up the frig with your favorite foods and beverages and get that comfy chair ready for Super Wild Card Weekend!

We’ll be posting live scoring during each game (click on the Standings tab at the top of our website) and please contact Greg the Great if you want to be included in all the smack talk on Slack.  He can set you up for some additional fun!

My post-weekend recap will be posted early next week!

Until then I remain,
The Commish